After my previous post, last month, I was inspired to write a poem. I think my August blog and this poem, below, vindicate any people who don’t feel like forgiveness. We all have a right to decide, and for me, true remorse would be the only way I’d forgive. Otherwise, I won’t. But I don’t spend my life thinking about the toxic people I’ve encountered. I moved on.
School Reunion
You were my nightmare back in school,
your clique of friends thought you were cool;
so pretty, funny, blond and tall
and I was not like that at all.
When you appeared I’d always freeze,
agree with all you said, to please,
because I knew if I did not
you’d think up yet another plot
to catch me on my way to class.
You’d bar my way, not let me pass.
For way back then I was that child
who you pulled down, demeaned, reviled;
you left me lonely, hurt and cold
for wearing clothes that were too old.
But…
As I stand now in this large hall,
I’m not the girl that you recall.
I chat, catch up, with Mrs Gold,
a caring teacher, now so old—
about to move in with her son.
Remembering me, the time I won
a rosette for The Best in Sport,
she tells me now, she always thought
I had an inner strength of heart.
We smile and hug, and then depart.
Now here comes Sue, my only friend,
she stuck with me until the end.
We wrote awhile, and then lost touch
but now we hug and talk so much
about her kids, her husband Joe
and of my work as tennis pro.
And…
Although I see you by the wall,
I’m not the girl that you recall.
I glance, then lock my eyes on you,
not shrinking like I used to do
then with disgust I turn my back
for never again will you attack
my sense of self, my clothes, my face
that old hurt’s gone without a trace.
So, party’s done and I retrieve
my shawl, I’m ready now to leave.
I turn and whoops, you’re standing here
to collect your coat, you stop and sneer
then shrug, fake-smile, and act so mild.
‘I was mean, but just a child.’
Don’t come at me with that false grin.
As flaky now as you were then,
and yes, I know you were a kid
but still you knew just what you did.
So…
I don’t forgive you, not at all,
I’m not the girl that you recall.